Kaleidoscope Faith

I've been "blog-blocked" for quite some time. Waiting for that inspirational moment coupled with the time to actually publish my feelings & thoughts. Needless to say, that scenario hasn't taken place since February.

Tonight, those odds seem to be "ever in my favor". 

The last few days have been what I like to call a "kaleidoscope of emotions". You remember those fascinating tubes that on the outside looked like nothing more than a decorated, closed up, paper towel tube, but on the inside you saw a cosmo of colors & shapes? Here....let me paint the picture of my personal kaleidoscope.

Monday "Blurry pieces": 

I was sitting on a couch inside a cabin where I was still riding the high of preaching for the first time ever during a Sunday morning service at my church. What an honor it is to serve in the house of God! Inside the room was our brand new class of CityInterns and a few Pastors. We were there on a retreat that kicks off the school year for our program. We are so excited about the class this year! Amongst conversations we heard a cell phone ring. Instantly, you could feel the atmosphere of the room shift. It was as if someone turned the nob on the kaleidoscope and shifted the once solid and pretty picture into one that was blurry and hard to make out. On the line was one of our dearly loved leaders and friend who had just received horrible news about her father. A few days previous to this her family had received a report from the doctor that her father had Leukemia. That was bad enough, but within mere days things had turned for the worse. He was now given days to live. We stopped what we were doing and prayed. For the next few hours our phones would light up, but unfortunately the quality of news we received would go down.
All we could do is pray.

Tuesday afternoon "Jagged edges": 

As soon as the retreat was over I headed straight towards the hospital. I was exhausted, but anxious to get there and be with my friend. Im not a huge fan of hospitals...I mean who really is? I don't like watching others hurt on any level. We made the best of our time in the ICU waiting room. My goal was to get at least one smile on my friends face... I, with the help of some other friends exceeded that goal. But, triumph didn't come without lots of tears and some long moments of silences. Silence- don't be afraid of those moments in the midst of hurting people. A lot of times they just need to know you are there. They have enough thoughts running through their minds....your thoughts may only add to the frustration.
We kept praying.

Wednesday morning "dark spots": 

At 8 minutes after midnight I found myself  in my friends drive way standing in silence with her. More silent than the hospital. I could hear the crackles of my engine cooling down and an owl hooting in the distance. The world was moving as normal, except her world had just stopped. Her father had passed away. We stood, we sat, we cried, even then we had a few smiles....together. It wasn't too long until a car load of friends pulled up and added to the support in silence. Eventually we escaped to coffee down the street and once again, made the best of the horrible situation. Around 3:00am we all rolled out, heavy hearted.
We are still praying. 

Wednesday dawn "patterns": 

At 4:55am  my phone received a text message from my best friend that read, "Water broke....Love u." She was on her way to the hospital. This may not seem like a huge deal to you, I mean...people give birth all the time right? Seems that easy, but it wasn't for her. She and her husband had been trying for yearS. (5 if Im not mistaken)

All we could do is pray.

This has been quite the journey for them. The seemingly countless "negative" pregnancy tests that always left her disappointed. The road through multiple diagnosis's, dr. visits, procedures, diets, ovulation calendars.....etc, etc, etc. With each new endeavor the results never changed. Except one thing did change, God was developing something inside of her....her faith.

We kept praying.

Wednesday night "bright colors": 

My day was long and emotional. My heart was still hurting for my friend who was grieving. Yet, my heart was also anticipating the official, "HE HAS ARRIVED" text from my best friend. 

I went all day checking my phone, crying at random (for both situations), praying and trying my best to stay focused on my work. At 7:42pm I received the "HE HAS ARRIVED" text. My heart could hardly decipher between all of the emotions going on inside of me. I drove home with a heart dripping in thankfulness to our faithful God. I remembered all the the struggles and also the incredible moment when she first found out she was pregnant. (Christmas day 2011) I looked  at a picture they posted of the baby and it was hard for my mind to believe he was actually here. How absolutely phenomenal this has been. I cant wait to hold him. 

We are still praying. (Just different prayers)

1 Corinthians 9:22-23

² To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. ²³ I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

I am understanding this verse more and more. It was so hard to keep my situations from bleeding into each other. When I was with my friend in mourning in the back of my mind I knew my best friend would be having a baby at any moment. & when I was chatting with my best friend about her day today....I was still thinking about my friend who was grieving. It's not that neither of my friends want to know my thoughts and feelings about the others situation.  It's more so understanding the art of timing. What they both deserved was my undivided attention. 

Sure a kaleidoscope has its psychedelic patterns that are exploding with colors mixed with some dark spots besides some jagged edges. But the truth is, you will never truly see the picture if you don't have the lights on. Its the lights that enables you to see the picture inside the tube. Without the light everything is just dark. No picture to be seen, no colors to be appreciated. 

I know life has some pretty dark spots with some unexpected trials that can test are faith and shake us to the core. But, I encourage you to turn your picture to the light. We may not always understand why things happen, but what I do know is that God is faithful. I continue to ask God to give me the strength to be the support that my friends need. To steady my emotions with grace. To teach me how to be "all things to all people". It truly is an honor to offer love and support to another persons life...in both the horrific times & the exciting times. 

That is what my kaleidoscope looked like this week. :)